Fragments
by Dannee-san
Summary: Extreme angst. The worst. Tyson has been raped and his teammates habe tried everything to drag him out off his depression. Until Kai gives it a try. But will he succeed, or be dragged along.
1. Cracked

AN This was quite difficult to write. I wrote it while sitting in the train, traveling between home and university. It turned out very dark, I think. Very angsty. Hope it's okay. Well, I know it's not. I mean, what was I thinking, putting those boys through all that. Poor Tyson. Poor Kai.

Please give your opinion on this.

* * *

The room was immaculately clean and tidy, books aligned on their shelves, one small stack of paper on the desk, the carpet vacuumed, the bed made.

That alone was a sign that something was amiss. Tyson was not what you'd call a tidy person. Indeed, he seemed to thrive on chaos, acting on impulse, going with the flow. It was also known to the figure blocking the doorway what had happened to the boy curled up on the far corner of the bed. He just hadn't realized to what extend it had effected him. He was now made painfully aware of it.

Kai entered and softly closed the door behind him. Too long had he allowed the boy to wallow in self-pity and depression. He couldn't hide form the world forever. Three weeks of staying up in his room was enough time.

"What do you want, Kai?"

Startled, and slightly annoyed the opening had been taken away from him, he sat down at the deskchair, straddling it so he could keep his hands from fidgeting. Truth be told, he was a bit frightened about the upcoming confrontation. He wasn't sure he was capable of dredging up the past, even for Tyson. Yet he needed to do something or the bluenette would only tumble deeper into depression.

"Tyson..."

"Don't!" the curled figure exploded, cutting him off. Blue eyes bored into his, their usual twinkle lost. "I don't need to be told that it's okay. I don't wanna hear the pain will fade, because I won't believe it anyway. It hurts like hell en it doesn't feel like it'll ever go away. But most of all, I don't need your pity!" Tyson turned back wildly, facing the wall again.

Kai stared at the rigged spine for a long time. He knew their teammates ad come by as well, trying to offer comfort and support. They had all been rebuked. Max had been in tears the last time he had tried. It had taken Rei three hours to calm his boyfriend down. And even then Kai had had to promise to try the next day.

"You've always been the only one he listens to, Kai. Maybe you can do something, but I can't stand it anymore." And the genki bond had buried his face in Rei's chest again with a fresh set of tears.

Frankly, Kai had no idea where Max had gotten the notion from that Tyson listened to him. But maybe he was the only one that could help the boy. That or he would join him in his depression.

"Tyson, believe it or not, I know how you feel."

"Do you?" came the harsh answer. "Do you know the pain? The humiliation? That feeling of helplessness when he pins you down, over and over again in your dreams?"

"The filth," Kai added. "That feeling of never being clean again, no matter how hard you scrub. The total worthlessness of a discarded toy. The feeling of not belonging in the world anymore, of being undeserving of life. Yes, Tyson, I know. God, I wish I didn't." He hid his face in his hands, a coward's position, afraid to fight, afraid to even look.

Why had he come? Why had he allowed himself to dragged back into the darkness he had fought so hard to escape by the exact same person who had inspired him to fight in the first place? Everything had returned to him, so easily, so readily, like it had never been away.

The cold floor, the heavy breathing, the sweaty hands. So many of them, tearing at his clothes, holding him down. Harsh whispers in hsi ears, words no child should ever hear. He tried to claw his way out of the memories, his body stiffening out of stress.

Words ghosted along his earshell.

"Stop struggling, brat..."

"...aren't you wonderful..."

"Kai..."

"...don't want to be punished, then you shouldn't have..."

"...such a little..."

"...annoying, brat, you..."

"Kai..."

"...stop it, please no..."

"...so tight..."

"...thanks for the..."

"...it hurts! No..."

"Kai..."

"...uselss little..."

"...good for nothing..."

"...just a toy..."

"...waste of space..."

"Stop it!"

"...filthy little..."

"Kai!"

Hands gripped his shoulders, shaking him, tearing at him. With a strangled cry he wrenched himself away from them. He fell off a chair, hit the ground. Carpet. There had never been carpet. Or blue walls. Or Tyson half curled up on the edge of the bed, looking at him with fear and at the same time concern.

"Kai?" The normally confident voice of Dragoon's blader was now small and shaky. "What's wrong, Kai?"

What was wring, he asked. A lot, now the barriers were down. They had been up for so long, he had forgotten their presence. And what they'd been hiding.

"Kai?"

Shuddering he took a breath and settled in a more comfortable position. Against the wall so he couldn't be surprised. "Multiply what you're feeling with about five childhood years. Does that answer your question?"

Dark blue eyes stared at him. "Fiver years? Wait! Do you mean... the abbey?"

"Where else?" Wearily he leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. "Perfect way to discipline, don't you think? And when you're younger then eight, seven years maybe, you don't even know what they're doing. It's just pain. And words. Words you don't understand." He shuddered, curling up in a ball, resting his forehead on his knees.

How'd he gotten himself into this mess. He didn't want this. He wanted out. Fresh air. He couldn't breath.

"Kai? Kai?!" Fingers brushed his scalp, running through his hair. Part of him knew it could only be Tyson doing that. Part of him anticipated the moment those fingers would clench into a fist and yank his head up by his hair.

That moment never came, of course. He felt Tyson's fingers leaving his hair and coming to rest on his forearm. They were trembling.

"Kai? Come on, Kai, you're scaring me. Look at me. Please?"

How could he look anyone in the eye after such a breakdown? Especially Tyson. Kai had come to drag his teammate out of the despondency his mind was trapped in. Instead he had fallen back into his own darkness, unable to crawl out of it again. He didn't think he could go through that for a second time.

Trembling fingers touched his temple, trailed down his cheek, reached for his chin to lift his head. He let it happen. Just like he had let everything happen. He left a few dark stains on the fabric covering his knees. Face paint, his eyes were dry.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

Such a simple question. Only five words. "I didn't remember. After that disaster with Black Dranzer, I ran away and suppressed every memory of the Abbey. It was only after the World Cup that all of it returned." He took a deep breath. This was difficult. Almost as difficult as facing those particular memories. "I had betrayed you, violated your trust. I didn't feel like I could ask for help, burden you with my past. It had already brought you so much grief." Rei hospitalized. Max losing Draziel. And that haunted look in Tyson's eyes when he realized his teamcaptain was now his opponent. "I just couldn't." He hid his face again. "But maybe I should have," he whispered brokenly. "Maybe telling you, would have made you more wary. You would have recognized what he wanted. You would have avoided this. If only I _had_ told you..."

"Don't!" Tyson cut in heatedly. "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It's not your fault. I'm having a really hard time thinking about what happened, let alone tell anyone. I can only imagine what it must have be like for you." Trembling hands touched his shoulder. "Just don't okay?"

The touch was warm, so very warm. And he was so cold. His mind reasoned he couldn't very well find solace and support with someone as wounded as he, but he couldn't quench the cry his soul emitted, begging for him to just take the offered warmth and bury himself in it.

And so he slightly leaned to his right. Slowly, every so slowly, the hands on his shoulder inched apart, opening in an embrace he sank into. His muscles relaxed at the steady heartbeat that came to rest under his ear.

This was something he had never had. He couldn't remember much of his parents, and the Abbey obviously didn't do cuddling. And so now, he could immerse himself in a sensation he had always craved for, but never even knew. There, his face hidden in the creases of Tyson's shirt, he shed silent tears for the life he had been denied.

Tyson rested his cheek on dual toned hair. Never once had he suspected something of this caliber to be hidden underneath Kai's facade. When he knew Kai to be standing in the doorway to his room, he thought the older teen was there to say the same things his other friends had.

He couldn't have been more wrong, he realized as he felt Kai's tears slowly soak through his shirt. And, holding the other so close to him, it finally seemed to sink in, that touch didn't equal pain. He'd been so wary of human contact, these past three weeks, he had barely tolerated his grandfather's presence, the man who raised him.

His arms tightening minutely around the calming human in their embrace, he finally understood why Kai always held people at bay. For the same reason Tyson had secluded himself. Thy suddenly had more in common then just stubbornness.

He closed his eyes and allowed the last tension to drip out of his body. It was strange, but it felt good to hold someone like this. As much as he regretted everything Kai had had to go through and hated the people at the abbey for doing that to him, Tyson realized he needed for someone to need _him_.

And when he felt Kai settling more comfortably against his shoulder, he felt the first glimmer of joy in three weeks.

* * *

AN Should I continue? It was supposed to be a one-shot, but it doesn't feel quite finished. What do you think?


	2. Shattered

AN Well, after long thinking I finally managed to write a second part for this story, with a third in the making, though that one is still too short to be published. I don't know when that will be finished.

In the meantime, be warned for extreme angst. Really extreme angst. And massive Kai mental torture. What am I doing to the poor guy? If I mess him up any more, this can never be a TyKa, because he'll be too traumatized to try on a deeper relationship than superficial friendship. That's not a good thing, is it?

* * *

Kai slowly disentangled himself from Tyson's arms. He had calmed down nearly an hour ago, he estimated, but Tyson hadn't seemed to mind Kai's holding on. It felt good, to be enveloped in such warmth, to be unconditionally accepted even for just a while. 

He leaned back against the wall, legs stretched out in front of him. Tyson settled next to him in a similar position, his socked feet reaching Kai's ankles.

Odd, Kai mused, that he had found comfort with someone so much smaller than him. And with the added emotional strain and mental scars the shorter teen looked frailer too.

He hesitantly closed his hand around Tyson's, palm to palm. Their skin-tones contrasted starkly, yet the built of their hands was so alike. Rather slender, Kai's interphalangeal joints slightly more pronounced, calloused from beyblading, they were almost of equal size.

A gentle weight settled against his shoulder. He looked down past a mass of dark hair to see Tyson's eyelids drooping. Still, the teen fought to stay awake.

"Tyson?" he murmured softly, unwilling to startle him.

"Hm?"A soft squeeze of his hand proved Tyson was listening and not just answering in reflex.

"I agreed to go training with the others for a bit at the beach tomorrow. Would you like to join?"

Silence. The head on Kai's shoulder shifted a bit. "I don't know." Tyson's voice sounded very small all of a sudden. "Do you think it's safe?"

Kai smiled softly at the question he subconsciously still asked himself daily. "I think so. No-one can approach us unseen. It's a rather deserted spot too this time of year. It will only be for a couple of hours in the morning. No crowded streets, no alleyways, no night. Just the five of us."

Kai felt the tension in the body next to him build. He realized the enormity of what he was asking, and he wasn't sure now was the right time. Then again, he wasn't sure any time was the right time to ask.

"Don't feel obligated. It's a proposal, not an order. You don't have to say yes."

The tension faded. "Thanks. For the offer as well." Tyson sighed. "I still don't know, though."

Kai looked at the time. I have to go now. I have some library books to return. We'll be at the beach from ten till twelve. If you want to come, I'll see you there. If you don't, it's alright." He started to rise, only to be tugged down again by the hand. Blue eyes looked into his own, a smile hesitantly touching them.

"Thank, Kai," the teen murmured, a faint blush painting his cheekbones.

Kai reached out with his hand, unsure whether the gesture would be accepted, and lightly brushed his fingertips along that rosy color. "Thank you too, Tyson," he answered softly.

The corners of Tyson's mouth lifted a bit, as if to say, 'you're welcome'. He then released Kai's hand, so the taller one could rise to his feet.

Kai retreated formt he room on silent feet, looking back at the door. Tyson was still sitting on the carpet, a thoughtful frown on his face. His mind seemed a million miles away.

The Russian young man turned away with a smile and walked down the landing. Down the stairs, through the hallway, he exited the front door and headed down the road.

* * *

The digital clock on the microwave showed the time. Nine forty-three a.m. 

Seventeen minutes. Seventeen minutes to put on his shoes and coat and get his beyblade and walk tot he beach. He only needed eight.

If he left now, would he be too early? What if the others weren't there yet? He'd be alone. All alone at the beach.

He shuddered.

Footsteps alerted him of his grandfather's approach, the old man's slippers making a distinct tapping noise on the wooden floor. Gramps didn't sneak up on him anymore.

"Hey, T-man, you leave any food in the pantry?"

A faint smile played around Tyson's lips. Gramps had been great. The old man may not know how to help him, at least he didn't tiptoe around his grandson.

The beyblade champion got up from his chair. He walked past his grandfather, who was fixing himself a snack at the kitchen counter. The teen briefly clutched a still muscular upper arm between his hands. "Thanks, gramps. You're the best," he murmured and exited the kitchen.

Slowly putting on his shoes and coat he walked through the front door. When he turned left to go down the street, his grandfather was still frozen in place at the kitchen counter, a tear in his eye and a dazed, goofy grin curving his lips.

His watch told Tyson, he had arrived at the beach two minutes to ten o'clock. His ears told him the others were already there.

"Draciel is just fine Kenny. Just because I don't polish him three times a day, doesn't mean he's in-..."

They'd seen him. How would they react? Had Kai told them of the invitation?

"Tyson! You came!" Apparently, he had.

The three rushed out to meet him, big grins on their faces, Max's outshining them all, of course.

Wait, all three? Where was Kai? Maybe he was running late. He gave a hesitant smile in return at his three friends. "Hey guys."

"Oh, Tyson, we missed you!" Kenny exclaimed, clutching Dizzy to him in happiness.

Max was tense, his weight on his toes. He looked about ready to pounce. It had been safe yesterday. Kai had been safe. Surely he'd be alright with others as well, right?

Resolutely, Tyson stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his best friend. "Hey, Maxie."

The blond promptly burst into tears. His hands twisting in his friend's jacket, his boyfriend hesitantly embracing them both.

It took a while before everyone had calmed down enough to disentangle themselves. Kenny picked up the laptop from where he had dropped it in the sand and immediately started fussing over the little machine. Max and Rei stood with an arm around each other's waist.

And Kai was still missing. With a frown at his watch - it said ten twenty-one - Tyson glanced at the others. Still no sign of Kai. He would come, right?"

That's what he said," Kenny answered.

"Maybe he... overslept?" Rei's face said he didn't believe his own words.

"Let's fo check in him," Max suggested.

"What if he comes here and finds us gone?" Tyson's eyes flicked from one to the other.

"I'll stay," Kenny volunteered, his hands pausing at their work. "If Kai shows up, I'll tell him you three went looking for him."

Tyson swallowed nervously. He didn't want to say it, but the idea of his youngest friend alone at the beach, didn't rest well with him. Luckily Max noticed his best friend's sudden fidgeting and suggested he stay as well.

And so Rei and Tyson set out for their captain's apartment. Tyson felt jumpy the entire way. The wind and the sun felt nice on his face, but the half crowded streets made him nervous. He fought the urge to either latch on to his silent companion, or run back home as fast as he could.

Amber eyes glanced at him, them smiled. A hand was stretched out to him and he grabbed it without a thought, grateful for the support.

The apartment building was as plain as Tyson's jeans, greyish plaster, long rows of unpainted balconies. The elevator was out of order. Climbing the stairs they encountered a mechanic working on the door of the second floor.

Kai's apartment was on the fifth floor. The stretching balcony with the front doors looked like any other. The door looked like any other. There was no nameplate, only a number.

They rang the bell.

No answer.

Neither on the second or the third ring.

Frowning, Tyson tried to look through the kitchen window. Nothing seemed out of place. He looked at Rei, then back through the glass. Nothing seemed out of place? Shouldn't there at least be some dishes? A cup, a plate or bowl. Something as a leftover from breakfast.

"How do we get in?" he asked Rei.

The Chinese blader lifted an eyebrow. "You think he's home?"

Tyson shrugged. "I don't know. I just wanna get in."

Rei conceded and pulled out what looked like a Swiss army knife. He pulled two pins out of it that Tyson didn't think were standard issue for an army knife. Crouching down in front of the door, Rei inserted first the straight pin, then the one ending in a little hook. Tyson wasn't sure what his friend was doing, but after five minutes of wriggling them around a bit, the door opened.

"Where'd you learn that?" Tyson asked.

The other smirked. "Kevin."

Yes, Tyson could see the green-haired member of the White Tigers knowing sneaky little tricks like how to pick a lock. He was silently grateful Rei had learned them too.

The apartment was silent. The kitchen was indeed untouched, the sink dry. The livingroom window was still curtained. Tyson turned to the third and last open door of the square hall. The bathroom. The white tiles were clean. The sink, plainly visible on the left, held a cup with a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste, some obscure brand from the local supermarket. The cabinet above was closed, the top rim of the mirror still slightly fogged.

As Tyson entered the small bathroom, he felt a trace fo humidity touch his skin, like somebody had taken a long hot shower. A white towel lay crumpled in the middle of the floor, out of place in the pristine bathroom. He picked it up slowly, holding it out in front of him. Damp spots of water showed which parts Kai had used to towel off his hair. Pink traces disturbed the white unity, almost like it had been washed wrong. Tyson's eyes were drawn to the shower stall. It was a simple standard sized stall, with a square, low tub of three by three as its base and an unfrosted door standing open. ON the bottom of the tub laid a bar of soap and a nail brush, one of those hard ones with a wooden grip. The white hairs were blotched pink. Thin pinkish lines ran over the small soap bar and on the white surface of the tub towards the drain.

Regret welled up in Tyson's chest as the towel fell from his limp fingers. Then his eyes widened when he remembered his oblivious companion. He rushed out of te bathroom and through the now open bedroom door, panic surging through him.

His hand clamped down on the arm stretched towards the sleeping figure underneath the bed covers. Rei looked up in surprise. 'What?"

"Let him sleep," Tyson murmured. "I don't think he's feeling well."

"What do you mean?" Rei was obviously confused, but kept hsi voice low.

"He showered this morning, but since he's back in bed, I guess he felt sick."

Rei pulled back his hand. "Oh, I see." He stared at their sleeping captain for a moment. "Should we stay?"

Tyson hesitated. He didn't want to leave Kai alone, but he didn't think Kai would like anyone being there. "Why don't you go tell the others there won't be training? I'll call if I need something."

Rei shot him a worried glance. "You sure?"

"Yeah. Maybe I'll call gramps and have him drive us both to the dojo."

"If you say so." Rei straightened and retreated. "Call us, okay?"

"Will do," Tyson assured him. He figured his friend wasn't comfortable leaving an emotionally unstable boy to look after a grouch with the flu. He couldn't blame him.

Except that Kai didn't have the flu.

As the front door closed behind Rei, Tyson settled himself on the only chair in the room, his gaze fixed on the sleeping young man.

He had recognized the symptoms and could perfectly diagnose Kai's condition. Past traumatic stress disorder. This episode, nightmare induced cleaning ritual.

Kai had scrubbed his skin till he bled underneath a burning how shower. That would sting for a week, Tyson knew. He just hoped Kai wouldn't be having continuous nightmares.

No such luck.

* * *

AN And that's all for now folks. Sorry to cut if off like that, but it was the only spot I could make a cut. The next part, as I wrote, is not done yet, but I'll try to work on it and get it out faster after this update than the second part after the first. Don't hold your breath though. I can't make any promises. I should be studying for a big test tomorrow, right now. I'm heading back to that now. 

Please leave a review on you way out?


	3. Broken

AN Sorry for the wait. This is part three of Fragments. It picks up where the previous part left off. It's from next part on that I want to try and delve into Kai's psyche a little more. I came up with this story when I was reading my material for the module on Psychology. I will have to reread some things, but please bear in mind that I am in no way an expert. I have no experience in any matters such as this and I don't presume to have either. Plus, I'm glad I don't.

* * *

The body on the bed twitched. Then turned. Turned back. Curled up. Stretched with a whimper. Kicked back the covers. Struggled with his dreamed attacker. Cried. Screamed. Fought. Tried to get away. Away from the dreamworld.

Tyson whimpered and curled in on himself. Was he like that? So frighteningly frightened? So helpless? With a strangled cry he leaped forward, unable to bear it any longer. He grabbed Kai's arm and shook him.

"Kai! Wake up! It's just a dream! A dream! Wake up!"

Fear leaped at his throat as Kai's struggles intensified, his body recognizing a solid assailant. Tyson reeled back to narrowly avoid a kick in the direction of his hip. Kai rolled back off the bed on the other side and curled up against the wall, arms around his knees, rocking and whimpering.

Tyson slowly walked around the bed and crouched down. Crimson eyes blinded by terror gazed at him. How could he break Kai free from the nightmare his mind was still trapped in? He was dreaming with his eyes open.

"Kai?"

The broken silence made the huddled figure flinch.

"Come on, Kai, I'm not gonna hurt you."

_I'm not gonna hurt you, kid._ Tyson recoiled from the memory. That probably wasn't the best thing to say.

"It's me, Tyson. Come on, Kai, snap out of it."

The only result his words booked, was Kai curling tighter in on himself. Though he kept his gaze up, always on guard.

Tyson slowly reached out his hand, palm up and fingers relaxed to appear as harmless as possible, all the while murmuring words of comfort.

It didn't work. Kai remain a coiled spring, growing more tense as Tyson's hand neared him. He had to explode at some point.

"NO! LEAVE!"

Tyson hand was slapped away violently.

"_NO MORE!_"

Rei would have backed away by now, Tyson realized, as would the other. But he knew anything was better than to be trapped in an unending nightmare, not knowing the difference between dream and reality. And any means of being woken would be forgiven once the nightmare was over. He'd rather try and get Kai out of it himself, than wait until the other did something drastic out of desperation.

He reached out again and this time caught the hand that flailed at him. Kai immediately pressed back tightly against the wall, wide eyes focused on the hand he was trying to return to himself. But Tyson refused to let go. The coiled spring of a human body in front of him needed to be returned to the real world. He slowly began to pull the other closer to him.

Kai dug his heels in but his bare feet didn't find grip in the carpet. Agonizingly slowly his body was pulled away from the wall, from the only protection from his assailant he thought he had. He was so pale with fear, his lips were turning blue.

Tyson was close to panicking, hyperventilating, with the sight his friend made. He looked like a terrified child. What had the Abbey done to him, that he shied from any human contact? With his free arm he reached and draped it around tense shoulders, giving him more leverage to reign the other in closer.

Kai was a tightly coiled spring against him, hands pressed against his chest, trying to push away. Tyson resolutely closed both arms gently around his captain's sinewy torso. Resting his cheek against that thick hair, he tried to keep his own body as relaxed and harmless-feeling as possible.

And then Kai went limp.

Shocked Tyson looked down. Had he fainted? No, his eyes were open, half opened, actually. Eyes staring emptily ahead of him. He had locked down his own mind, distanced himself from his own body as far as possible so as not to have to feel anything that might be done to it.

Tyson furiously blinked back tears and promised silent revenge on Boris and his minions, and most of all that bastard Voltaire who let his own grandson be reduced to this.

Slightly tightening his grip, he hid his face in damp, two-color hair and added his own salty tears to the moistness.

It was unfair. It was wrong to see the strong, invincible captain of their team so small and helpless. Hands pressed softly against pale skin and dark tank top, Tyson breathed in the scent of shampoo and Kai. He resolved then and there he would do anything to help his friend. He had to shake away that fear of human contact. Not all contact was bad, as Kai had proven himself only just yesterday.

Yes, Kai had been tense and uncomfortable at first. But he had relaxed.

Now, Tyson kept absolutely still. He didn't risk his position with the slightest twitch, though his legs, folded underneath him, began to cramp.

He didn't know how much time past. Ten minutes? Half an hour? He didn't care. He only cared that Kai, finally, finally, moved.

It was only small. His head moved a few inches left and right, his eyes blinking, until they focused on Tyson's shoulder close to him. His hand reached up hesitantly, carefully, to press against the fabric. Then shifted higher to touch a strand of hair spilling over his shoulder.

"Tyson?" A whisper.

"Yeah, it's me," Tyson murmured back.

"Not the Abbey?"

Tyson pulled the other a bit closer. "Never again, Kai. Never again, I promise."

With a sigh the captain rested his head against Tyson's shoulder. "Thank you for waking me. Did I hurt you?"

Tyson smiled, unseen to the other young man. Typically Kai, worried about his teammates first, rather than trying to get himself back to order. No, that wasn't entirely true. Kai did bring himself back to his own order. It just wasn't a healthy kind of order. "I'm fine, Kai. You just scared me, that's all. The shower not too rough on you?"

Kai moved back to look him straight in the eye. "How did you know...?" he faded confused.

The Japanese shrugged. "I tried to scrub his touch away as well. It only happened twice though. Need any burn salve?"

"'m Fine," Kai murmured absently. He remained seated upright on the floor, Tyson's arms still around him. The latter squeezed his shoulder a bit to catch his attention.

When crimson eyes had turned back on him, he said, "What now?"

Kai shrugged. "I get dressed." Suddenly his eyes widened. "Practice! What time is it?"

"Almost noon," Tyson answered with a quick glance at the bedside table.

"Damn! What will the others think!"

"That you have the flu," Tyson quickly said, remembering his words to Rei. At Kai's confused look, he continued, "Rei and I came here when you didn't show at the beach. I told him that you were probably sick, considering you had crawled back in bed after a shower. He bought it and left to tell the others. We'll have to set a new date for practice." He straightened. "Why don't you go take a quick shower and I'll pack some things for you?"

Kai froze halfway to getting to his feet. "Pack?" he said tonelessly.

"Yes," Tyson answered. "You don't think I'm going to look after a flu patient in an otherwise empty apartment? You're going to stay at the dojo."

Kai struggled to say something, seemingly doubting his thoughts on the matter. Eventually he his shoulders sagged in resignation. "Thank you," he murmured. He got up quickly and grabbed some clothes from his closet. Without looking back he strode to the bathroom.

Tyson looked around the room and found a small duffel stuffed underneath the bed. Moving to the dresser he searched the drawers for some clothes to take with them. Keeping one set separate for Kai to wear, he stuffed the bag with everything and headed for the livingroom, just as the shower was turned off.

Tyson reached into his pocket and drew out his cellphone. His home number had been on speed dial for three weeks, even though he hadn't left the house before now. Gramps picked up at the second ring.

"Tyson?" They had number recognition.

"Yeah, gramps, it's me. I'm at Kai's. He's got a flu-ish type of thing. Can you pick us up?"

"Sure," came the answer over the phone. "You okay?"

Tyson smiled, though his grandfather couldn't see that of course. "Yeah, I'm fine. Kai just didn't show at the beach like the others, so Rei and I went over to his apartment. Rei went back to tell Max and Kenny there'd be no practice."

"Okay, I'll come and pick you up then. Be there in fifteen."

"Thanks, gramps. See you then." They hang up.

A few minutes later Tyson heard bear feet crossing the hallway and entering the bedroom. It didn't take Kai long after that to appear in front of him.

It was a pleasant surprise to see the Russian blader had foregone his facepaint. Wearing just a pair of jeans and a sweater, he looked much different from his usual aloof self.

"Gramps is picking us up."

Kai sat down on the couch, his back pressed against the corner. "Good," he murmured.

Tyson observed his teamcaptain in silence. He supposed he owed it to the absence of the aggressive sharkfins normally painted on his cheeks for the difference in demeanor to be noticeable. Kai looked hunched up, despite his straight back, his squared shoulders. Defensive. A fear was in the setting of his face, carefully suppressed, but always lingering beneath the surface. Tyson didn't understand how he could have missed it all those years he had known Kai. When you knew what to look for, the signs of Kai's inner struggle were clear as day.

When you knew what to look for. When that same, or a similar inner struggle, had gone on within yourself.

The doorbell rang, and, even though it could only be grandpa Kinomiya, Kai almost-flinched.

And Tyson understood.

* * *

AN Working on part 4 as you read this. Be aware of angst. On a different matter, I'm not sure whether there will be any romance in this. I think Kai is incapable of that, at least for now. I'm gonna have to see how it goes. I'm really gonna give him a major mindbleep, poor sod. Up to reviewing, anyone? 


	4. Pieces

AN I am terribly sorry for not updating this sooner. I knew what I wanted to happen in the whole of the story, but there was a hole between the end of part 3 and how I wanted it to go on after this. I needed a lot of time to come up with something. I'm still not satisfied with how this chapter turned out, but it could have been worse; it's alright.

Thank you to everyone who reviewed, also who read Perfection. I have a sequel for that in mind as well. Probably the last in that series. I don't know yet. For now, enjoy the next installment of Fragments.

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The ride to the Kinomiya dojo was silent. Kai sat in the back, ignoring Tyson next to him, opting instead to look out the window. The elder Kinomiya hadn't asked any questions, simply opening the door to let them take their seat. Kai was grateful for that. He didn't want the old man to know of his hideous past, the blanket of shame covering, suffocating him. It was bad enough Tyson now knew. He didn't want anyone else to learn of the filth clogging every pore of his body.

Shivering Kai pushed that thought away. The thorough scrubbings he sometimes put his body through, could never take that feeling away. It was too ingrained into him, he knew that.

The engine shutting off jerked him out of his thoughts. Numbly he reached for the handle and opened the door.

Was it only yesterday he stood here? Gearing himself up to go in and face a shadow of his past. A reflection of a shadow. An echo.

Tyson came up at his side and slipped a hand in his. Looking down Kai marveled at how comfortable it felt. To touch someone, to _be_ touched, voluntarily, in the absence of violence. It sparked a small drizzle of warmth in his chest.

The Japanese teen pulled him into the house and up the stairs. "Come on. You'd better go lie down if we want gramps to keep believing you've got the flu."

Kai had expected to be led to a guestroom. Instead Tyson pushed his guest through the door to his own room. "Just dump you bag somewhere. Have you eaten anything at all today?"

Kai shook his head. No, he'd been too exhausted from the dreams and their aftermath to do anything but crawl right back into bed. Eating was far from his mind, though he would accept anything Tyson would come back with.

He was uncomfortable. The mixture of familiarity and being a guest that came with the room was unsettling. Did Tyson mean he wanted Kai to take his bed? Or would he bring up a futon? Why had he insisted on Kai coming with him in the first place?

Confused, Kai sat down on the desk chair and let the strap of his bag slip from his shoulder. Why did Tyson want to protect him from his nightmares? When had Kai ever done anything that would deserve such support from Tyson now?

He didn't know. Then again, maybe it wasn't something he had done. Maybe it was just a part of Tyson's unexplainable urge to help people. He had after all without prompting, without reason, reached out his hand to Kai on the frozen lake of Balkai.

It had been the first time Kai had experienced that someone willingly, voluntarily, wanted to touch. It was that feeling, of Tyson's hand closing around his, that had made him decide to fight.

Ironic, that now the same person had pushed him back into the darkness of his own insanity.

Tiredly, he rested his head in his hands. What a mess had he landed himself in. It would take months before he had himself back in at least some semblance of order. And he wasn't exactly sure whether Tyson's presence would be of any help.

A soft knock alerted him of someone at the door. Peaking sideways, he saw a pair of feet incased in white socks. "You don't have to knock, Tyson. It's your room."

"I didn't want to startle you," came the soft reply. "I brought some sandwiches. Feel like eating at all?"

Kai raised his head to answer in a negative, but the words died on the way to his mouth. Tyson looked so sweet and kind, an innocent child, in his baby-blue shirt, faded jeans and socks. He must have abandoned his baseball cap somewhere during the process of making that tray of food he was carrying, leaving his dark hair to softly frame his face.

How could Kai possibly disappoint those big blue eyes? He could at least try one. They did look rather good and he hadn't had anything to eat all day. The juice would help flush it away.

Tyson set the tray on his desk. "Try and eat something, Kai. Not eating will only make you feel worse." As if to set an example, he picked a sandwich and took a bite.

Food had always been something of a chore at the Abbey. They had only a certain amount of time to their standardized rations. No more was given out, and plates were whisked away after half an hour. It had been difficult to break through the indoctrinated time frame. Even though he hadn't consciously remembered the Abbey, the first year he hadn't been able to sit down for a meal for longer that half an hour. And after the memories had resurfaced, he'd had a short relapse to the strict daytime schedule of the Abbey.

Gritting his teeth with the effort to stop his hand from trembling, he grabbed his own sandwich and set his teeth into it. He desperately shoved away the feeling of worthlessness pervading his senses and decided to relish in the feeling of the uncontrolled opportunity to eat.

It tasted good, actually. Beef, with a few slices of cucumber and tomato. And his stomach agreed with it, which was short of a miracle, because after a nightmare session like the one this morning, he could never stand to eat anything, until he'd had a proper night's sleep.

Plus, Tyson looked really glad he'd gotten his friend to eat. So Kai steadily worked his way through two sandwiches before he picked up his glass of fruit juice.

Tyson, he noted with surprise, hadn't even finished his first. "Aren't you gonna eat that?" he asked.

Tyson started, then looked down at the half eaten sandwich in his hand. "Oh, right. "He listlessly nibbled a corner of the bread. "I'm not really hungry."

"Stop the presses," Kai muttered, and took another sip.

Tyson burst out laughing. "At least your sarcasm is still intact."

"I guess it is," he murmured.

Silence fell again. It was slowly sinking into Kai's mind that he would actually be staying at the Kinomiya household. He couldn't help but feel relief at the prospect of having someone around who could wake him from his nightmares before he became too entrapped in them. It meant he could go to bed feeling a little more relaxed, a little safer. He suddenly didn't dread sleeping so much anymore. Then he thought of the third occupant of the house.

He choked on his juice. Oh, no, if grandpa Kinomiya heard him screaming, he would undoubtedly come and investigate. Tyson's urge to help and protect ran in the family, after all. Then gramps would want to know what had brought the nightmares about. Once, he would perhaps refrain from asking questions, but twice was too much of a coincidence. Besides, he'd probably been woken quite a few times the past three weeks by his own grandson. He would instantly be on guard. And that was the last thing Kai wanted.

"You alright?" Tyson asked concerned.

Kai tried nodding, but he couldn't bring himself to. "What about gramps?" he murmured instead. "I... I don't... want him to know... about..." He couldn't finish that.

Tyson looked down at his hands, still clutched around the remains of his sandwich. "I understand. He won't pry, if you don't want to. He knows when he shouldn't push."

Kai wasn't comforted. If the elder Kinomiya did pry, Kai wouldn't know how to answer. If he lied, would it be detected? If he told the truth, would gramps be disgusted? Would he go as far as throwing Kai out? Then where would he go? Well, back to his own apartment, of course, but chances were gramps would also forbid Tyson to consort with him. Then what would he do?

"Kai? Hey, Kai," a voice entered his metal realm. He turned to it. "Hey, you spaced out on me there. Wanna tell me about it?"

Kai toyed with the glass in his hands. "Maybe I should leave," he said softly.

"What? Why!"

Kai looked up at his friend, if he dared call anyone that. "Isn't it obvious? Your grandfather would never allow you to stay in contact with me after he hears of what happened." He returned his gaze to his feet. "I, for one, wouldn't blame him."

There was a rustling of clothes and then Tyson feet appeared right in front of Kai's. "That is ridiculous and you know it. Gramps would never throw you out and certainly not because of your past." He sounded stern, but his voice softened as he got down on his knees to look Kai in the eye. "Nothing was your fault, Kai. And you shouldn't believe otherwise. If my experience of three weeks ago taught me anything, it's that sometimes things happen that are not our fault, or at least our fault alone. Not everything that happens is a direct consequence of our actions or lack thereof." He took a deep breath and seemed to steel himself for his next words. "I blamed myself, you know. If only this, if only that. I'm still not free of guilt, and I don't think I'll ever be free of the shame, but I can handle myself a little better now, at least towards other people." He huffed a laugh. "It was in fact your visit that finally convinced me to take my therapist's words to heart and to at least be open to the people I've always been able to trust. And I'm very sorry I hurt all of you with my selfish behavior. But I think I needed the time alone."

Kai didn't know how to answer to that. His case was different from Tyson's. Tyson had been the innocent victim of a deranged pervert. Kai himself was inherently bad and had shunned the many attempts to heal him from it. So, in an effort to avoid answering Tyson's plea, he grasped the most neutral aspect of it. "Therapist?"

Tyson actually smiled at that. "Yes, when gramps had persuaded me to go to the hospital to be checked out, you know, for any... damages, or... infections, or whatever, the doctor there referred me to a social worker who contacted a youth-psychiatrist. She uhm... helped me. Unload, I guess. She became a neutral person who would listen to me without any prejudice, because she didn't know me prior to those conversations. She would hear me out and give me advice out of her profession instead of... emotional attachment. Without becoming distant and aloof, though. She really nice."

Kai sniffed. "Would you have me see her?"

Tyson settled cross-legged on the floor in front of Kai and plucked at his pants. "Well, I don't know if she... specializes in child-abuse. But I could ask," he added hurriedly. "Would you like me to?"

Kai ran a hand through his hair. "Would anyone like admitting they need help from a therapist? I probably need it. As long as she doesn't admit me, or anything. I will _not_ be locked up."

Tyson nodded quickly. "Understandable. You can set that sort of conditions in a preliminary session. It's not a legal contract, but she will try to hold to it for as long as possible. Unless you suddenly turn suicidal or something. And you can always leave, if you don't like her."

Kai nodded. "I'll think about it."

"I have her number. It's on the message board in the hallway. Doctor Marina Green."

They sat in silence, Tyson playing with a loose thread on his jeans, Kai staring at his hands and the empty glass they held. Tyson's words kept repeating themselves in his head and for the first time, Kai allowed himself to feel a shard of hope. It was painful that, hoping for something. There was always to risk of being disappointed, but perhaps this doctor Green could help him sleep at night. Kai would give anything to have at least some peace of mind. It was all he wanted.

Yes, hope was a painful thing. But also warming.

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AN Well, I hope it was worth the wait. Hope I won't take as long with next part. I intend to show a little more of Kai in that one. I still have to fit Tyson's healing process in there somewhere as well. That will be difficult. Oh well, I like a challenge. Please review? 


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